


Before I Go

by superherogrl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Episode: s09e06 Heaven Can't Wait, First Kiss, M/M, the fan fiction gap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 23:06:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6170251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superherogrl/pseuds/superherogrl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My version of the fan fiction gap in Heaven Can't Wait</p>
<p>I found this fic that I wrote a while ago, but didn't post so here it is</p>
            </blockquote>





	Before I Go

**Author's Note:**

> I know I'm kind of late on posting this, but I still like it so here you go :)
> 
> I originally planned for this to include a sex scene, but I just couldn’t see Dean leaving him after that.

Dean comes to a stop in front of number 9 at the Sleepy Inn after a very interesting trip to the ER. He wasn’t prepared for just how difficult it was to fill out paper work for someone who has only been human for a couple of months. It made him wonder just what Cas put on his job application, he didn’t even have a made up last name for Christ sake.

“What are we doing here?”

“What do you mean? Back to the motel after a case, just like always right?”

“It’s always you and Sam back to the motel, what am I doing here?”

“Well…what Cas, you want me to take you back to the store? It’s almost 2 in the morning!” Cas seemed to glare out the window extra hard, trying to ignore Dean, “You have been staying at the store haven’t you?” He hadn’t asked Cas until now where he had been staying, because he didn’t really want to know. Not when it would be so easy to just start the car back up and drive them both back to the bunker, back home.

“It’s not your concern Dean.” He couldn’t take this, Cas had pushed him away plenty of times, but this wasn’t some outside force, it wasn’t something evil getting between them this time, this was all Dean’s fault.

“Look, just come inside. You can sleep on a real bed, not a great bed or anything, but it’s something right?”

“I have to open the store tomorrow.”

“No problem, we’ll get a few hours of shut eye, and I’ll give you a ride.” Before Cas could say anything else, Dean was out of the car.

Of course when he opened the door he remembered that since Sammy had stayed home, Dean had happily request a king so he could spread out. “Oh um, I can go see if they have a different room.”

“Why?” Cas had been following closer than he thought and was already sitting down at the foot of the bed. He was looking at the cast on his arm, picking at the tape a little.

“Hey I could sign that for you!” Dean kicked himself at how utterly stupid that sounded.

“Why would you want to sign my bandages? Do people do that often?”

“No, it’s just a stupid thing you usually do in high school.” He sits down next to Cas and takes the cast clad hand in his, and before he can overthink it he lays a kiss on a spot over the damaged wrist. “You’re probably too old to have your boo boo’s kissed too.” Dean means to let go, but he can’t bring himself to.

“Dean, why did you come to get me?”

“I needed help on the case.”

“Then why am I here now?”

“Because you’re my friend, and you’re hurt.”

“So…if I wasn’t hurt you would have driven me back to the store?”

“What? No, of course not! There’s no sense in you sleeping there, when there’s a perfectly good bed right here.”

“Then…I don’t …I’m trying to understand Dean.”

“Trying to understand what?”

“Why you cast me out.” It’s then that Dean notices the pain in his hand where the cast is digging in, because Cas is trying to hold his hand tighter. Hearing him say that Dean ‘cast’ him out, made him hate the decision even more, which he didn’t think was possible. He was cast out of heaven, was Dean’s betrayal just as bad? “Dean, please, I don’t understand” Cas was crying, so Dean does the only thing he can, He wrapped his arms around him and rubbed his back, trying to say something soothing. “I don’t know what I am anymore, I try to be human, but it always goes wrong somehow. I once led an army of angels into hell, and we won! I can’t…I’m useless now.” Dean held tight through his short rant, but couldn’t hear more.

“Hey, you’re not useless! You’re still the guy who wasted all those sorry bastards in hell! You saved my ass more than a few times.” This gave him an idea; he pushed Cas back a little so he could strip off his coat and flannel. Cas’ eyes were red-rimmed and confused. “Look, you pulled me from the pit. See right here.” He rolled up his t-shirt sleeve to reveal the handprint. The proof that Cas had once been an angel, maybe the only tangible proof there is left. Cas fitted his hand (his good one luckily enough) over the spot, Dean almost immediately felt warmth spread from the touch.

“Your soul was so bright, I could see it long before we reached you. It dimmed a little as we fought, but you were still blinding when I pulled you out.”

“Really? Even down there?”

“Yes, in fact this is the only time I’ve been able to see your face clearly.”

“What, do you mean?”

“Your soulß was so bright that it was all I could see. Out bond allowed me to see it even when you were returned.”

“So you’ve been using some sort of angel…x-ray vision to see my soul?”

“Not exactly, I had no choice in the matter, but I …”

“You what, Cas?”

“I think your face, this face is very nice to look at.” Dean hated himself for it, but he could feel his cheeks blush at the compliment. “I like these spots…freckles, I like your freckles.” Dean couldn’t take the way he was looking at him, like he was something precious. “And I never knew your eyes were green, they’re beautiful.”

“Come on, Cas.”

“What?” Cas’ hand was on his jaw now. He dipped in towards Dean’s face, but stopped just short of his lips. Dean thought it should have been harder to cross that millimeter of space, but in the end it was easy.

And worth it. Cas wasn’t shy or unsure as Dean would have thought. After a moment of tenderness, that might have been Dean’s doing, he dove in like a dying man finally quenching his thirst. It wasn’t long before their tongues were battling for space in the other’s mouth. It was like a dam broke inside Dean’s chest, he reveled in the slide of Cas’ lips against his. It wasn’t until Cas was pulling away, no don’t stop, to finish pulling Dean’s t-shirt off, that he realized he was undoing the buttons on Cas’ shirt.

“Cas,” he stopped pulling at the buttons with a herculean effort, and pushed lightly against his chest “you can’t come back to the bunker with me.”

“Why?” The desperate breath against his lips had him pulling Cas in for one more taste. He could spend all night trying to get just one more.

“You…you have to be on your own for little while, ok? Please babe just rust me, it won’t be forever, I promise.” Please believe me, for Sam’s sake.

“Ok, I trust you.” Dean couldn’t help the little voice in the head that whispered, you shouldn’t. “It won’t be forever.” He imitated in a voice quieter than Dean even thought he was capable of. “Will you…”

“What Cas?” Anything, he would do anything for Cas in that moment, even march into heaven and demand that Metatron give Cas his grace back.

“Will you lay with me?” He was already moving toward the middle of the bed. Dean knew he wasn’t talking about anything sexual, he wanted to cuddle. Dean thought about all the pain he saw in Cas today and the hurt he was feeling at being kicked out of the bunker. He thought he should be the last person Cas turned to for comfort, but at the same time was glad that his angel still wanted him close. He didn’t answer, just crawled under the covers and slotted himself against Cas, to which the angel made himself comfortable.

Lying there, listening to his breath evening out into sleep, Dean could almost pretend that he could have this. Whatever this was. He’d have to consider that later over a few glasses of his favorite whiskey. For right now though, he let this be enough, Cas safe and warm in his arms and the steady rise and fall of his chest.


End file.
